The first time we actually took notice of the plethora of myths and legends revolving around the bloodthirsty monster called Vampire (a.k.a blood-sucker) were with its re-appearance in the movie theaters, with the “Twilight Saga”, which must have made some vampires turn and shift in their tombs… Considering that, the only actually decent movie adaptation of the dark creature Dracula was the self entitled movie “Dracula” (F.F Copola, 1993), it’s not weird that, in the meantime, we all forgot how a vampire should be: spawning fear in humans’ hearts, not shedding stardust…

The legend of the vampire talks about a blood-relying creature (mainly human blood), immortal, with a tendency of re-visiting the place he once lived, to bring misery and death to his beloved -or hated- ones. The beautiful, pallid creatures with the long, floating cape we were presented with as the “authentic” vampires, are figments of imagination of the 19^th century. Until then, trough out the 18^th century, the name alone brought terror to human hearts, sometimes forcing them to go to extremes; maybe a few more stakes to the closest family members’ hearts…

…prevention is better than cure, they say.

Cultures from Mesopotamia to ancient Greece had a special name for this mythical creature. They also had their own beliefs around vampire’s unnatural beauty and never decaying appearance, their supreme strength and –naturally- their white fangs…

Nowadays, Vampire has passed from myth to fantasy and from there it took a leap of faith to literature. Somehow, though, people still believe in Chupakabras and Edward Cullen.

Here is a short guide of recognition and survival for those of you who believe a relative or friend has turned into a Vampire (Dun-dun DUN!)

How to know if your neighbor has turned into a Vampire:

1. If he shows up on his balcony, hanging clothes to dry a few days after his funeral.
2. If he keeps staring at your neck vein with a look upon his face that slurs “I’m huuuungry” (and he’s also salivating like crazy…Bleh…)
3. If he starts talking in that very well-known Romanian accent, when you very well know that he’s from Larisa.
4. If you see him climbing down the walls of his castl- house (!) after 12 o’clock with his body horizontal to the bricks.
5. If you see a flying bunch of bats following him around whenever he exits his estate.

How to protect yourself from a Vampire who’s got a sweet tooth for you.

1. Always have garlic in your pocket. Although after so many centuries of garlic-repulsion, most Vampires must have cultivated some kind of immunity to the smell… Just in case, have some pincers on you as well!
   You know…for the teeth.
2. Do you remember that little golden cross your late grandpa had once given you? The one you never wore because you thought it useless? Yeah, that one. It is useless, don’t bother.
3. When you see him running towards you, with his mouth gaping open and his fangs shining, run to him as fast as you can! Hug him and say ‘I knew you’d come for me! Now I can be just like you and we can spend eternity together!” Oh, trust me, he will *poof* in an instant!

And, last but not least, for all of you romantic souls out there who wish to get lovey-dovey with your Vampire lover…

1. Call him nicknames like “Lover-blood”, “Vein of my neck” or ….uh…..you get the point.
2. For Valentine’s Day, meet at the O.R of the closest Hospital. So much more romantic than the old-fashioned chocolates….

But! Never ask him to watch Twilight with you! He’d rather bite yo-

Whoopsie… 

Love, Melane…