I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. Even though my bedroom was cold during winter nights; the temperature of my body was rising up. My heart felt like she fought with my ribcage, trying to break free of her restraints. But it wasn’t due to a nightmare. Surprisingly, I had a dreamless sleep that night. 

 

When I reached my phone on the bed table; I was still panting. It was 4 am in the morning. The fact that I had only slept for one hour didn’t help at all. It only awakened a sudden fatigue that took almost instantly over my alcohol-muddled mind and worn out body. The feeling of undigested alcohol in my breath was evident. I tried to stand up but I stumbled and fell back on the mattress before I could comprehend what happened. 

 

That moment I heard footsteps. The familiar sound came from the living room. The person was taking slow but steady steps towards the bedroom. I was sure of it. And that’s when the truth crashed into me with lightning clarity: I was the only one who was currently living in that hellhole of a house. Seth had left when we broke up a few months ago. He didn’t say it clearly but I never once failed to notice how his honey brown eyes tried to stay away from the uninvited sight of my facial features.

 

I couldn’t bring myself to hate him; hell, I couldn’t even blame him for what happened. There was no one responsible for this mess. It was no one’s fault that I ended up with a deformed face after the car crash. And if there was someone at fault that would be the driver of the car that came onto me with monstrous force… but that one was long gone and I couldn’t contact him anymore.

The irony of that situation was that I didn’t feel a thing about him. The doctors said that it was a miracle that I didn’t lose my life, the gift we all are blessed with but most of us fail to realize that we should not take for granted. And now there I was, a shadow of my old self, people could barely recognize me let alone pay me a visit, yet tonight I had an uninvited visitor, oh so gently tapping his feet on my wooden floor.

 

A wave of fear, a shiver and after that a deep breath… I should have been in agony and the fear should have taken the best of me. However my feelings were dull. They felt distant as if I wasn’t the one who was feeling but more likely the one who was standing next to someone with intense feelings… 

 

I made another fruitless effort to stand on my feet, and then another one until I made it to the door. The intruder was right behind my door. I could literally hear his breath. Suddenly the fear intensified and panic took away the last shed of sanity I was desperately clinging to. I turned around and opened the window with quick, violent movements. I practically abused the wooden frame, scaring it with my sharp nails. 

 

In a moment of fury I jumped and the next moment… I woke up… on my bed sweating, my chest heaving erratically…

 

I pressed my hands between the unruly strands of my damp, long, black hair. When I touched my face it may not have felt deformed but it was wet. Then I realized, I was a sobbing mess. I was trembling and I reached the point of hyperventilation. I hurried to the window. No scratches there. Good. Then I stood before the mirror with my gaze to my feet. I was still a bit frightened to look to my own reflection but I willed myself to straighten up and face reality. 

 

For a split of a second I thought I didn’t see my face. It was only a hallucination, though. My head as well as the rest of my body was just like I remembered it to be the last time I was awake.

 

A hoarse voice broke this unwanted yet indispensable silence. I nearly screamed when I heard the voice asking me ‘what’s wrong?’. It seemed I was still affected by this hellish dream. I almost forgot Seth was on the other side of the bed. I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice his warmth next to me when my sleep had been interrupted so abruptly and opened my eyes... 

 

After a few moments of staring at his flawless face and the bottomless look in his eyes I ran onto him, hugging him tightly like he was my only lifeline. Finally my heart had stopped dancing in the rhythm of an anguished violin melody. Now it had regained her rhythm. I was there, between the arms of my beloved one and nothing could agitate the water of the ocean that I hid inside my soul. Nothing…

 

In the end nothing remained, indeed… The warmth of his started to fade away and his flesh became transparent and I was standing still; refusing to let go of the air I thought I could grasp inside my palm. I felt a slight brush on my lips and an arm resting on my satin-clothed belly. “Open your eyes…” Seth whispered in my ear. 

 

At last my eyes opened only to meet a pair of brown eyes staring back at my distorted from angst face. “Good morning, baby!” he said and I wondered if I was still dreaming…